New Beginnings

Graduation is a little more than a month away and I never really thought I could feel so many different emotions.  A part of me wants to crawl under a bench on the Diag and demand that I do not graduate. Part of me wants to jump on a plane and explore an unknown country. Part of me never wants to sleep so I can enjoy every minute of my college friends and go to our favorite places and party, drink, sing, and dance the time away! Part of me wants to put on my favorite country songs, sit by myself in a quiet room, or maybe a coffee house, and just think, and contemplate, and remember.  I have never been anxious, excited, sad, tired, happy, awake and scared at the same time.

It is interesting how people say the college years are the best years of your life.  I think they have been wonderful and terrible at the same time, but I would sure hope they aren't the best years.  I want my college to be a launching pad for years that are unthinkably better then what I have experienced thus far.  So much has happened up to this moment that I could have never even dreamed of when I was younger, that I can't wait to see what unfolds in the next decades.

At the moment the plans are to continue on with my own startup company called Recraft.  This company is only 5 months old but it has already morphed into a new create at least four times.  Right now I am comfortable where the business model is headed and I am excited to see what it morphs into next! It is scary being "unemployed" after four years of hard work and dedication to grades and tests, but I sure would not have it any other way.  I am proud of myself. I am proud that I did not let my type A personality stop me from doing something that I am afraid of doing.  One good thing is that I had failing.  I hate disappointing myself, and I have promised myself that even if this company does not continue on, I will not fail.  I will not disappoint myself and instead I will learn to move forward and find a new opportunity.  I am ready for my new beginning outside of the state street/south university walls and look forward to not knowing what will happen next.

Alone in Union Station

Sitting in Chicago’s Union Station is interesting.  I am here alone, but not really alone, there are a lot of people who rush around me.  Yet, I feel alone.  I feel kind of uneasy.  I feel that I just want to be back in Ann Arbor, in my familiar Ann Arbor city, with my familiar buildings and streets and people and knick-knacks.  Even thought I want to be somewhere I am not, I also regret those feelings.  It makes me feel weak and I hate feeling weak.  It makes me think, and sometimes I hate when I think. I hate when I think mainly because it leads to more uneasiness.  Not just uneasiness from the unfamiliar and big city environment, but also uneasiness within myself. This happens because I am not able to talk to anyone else; I just have myself to listen to.  Memories and worries, ambitions, and regrets seem to always leak out of my soul and into my brain when I am alone.  I wonder how many others around me have similar feelings? Looking around me, there are a lot of people who are also “alone.”  But they have families, they have worries, they have goals, they want to be somewhere other then here.  If all the people disappeared and all that was left was the feelings of people, I believe it would look like swirling ghosts; I believe these ghosts would find connections amongst each other and make friends.  I believe the room would no longer be lonely; instead it would be friendly and exciting.  Isn’t it amazing how flesh and bones so easily tear us apart from making friends? That hair and fingernails stop us from saying hello? That cloth and rubber acts as force fields from sitting near each other? If the flesh and bones melted away, if the hair and fingernails fell off, if the cloth and rubber dissolved, what would the world be like? What problems would we have, if any? If we could only see emotions and nothing else, would the word be happier? Safer? Hmmmmmm it is interesting to think about, and these thoughts overrule my uneasiness, which is nice for a minute.  I decide to give into my rumbling tummy and buy food, pay the cashier, and pick a spot three seats away from the nearest person.  Funny how thoughts and actions are completely unrelated in real life. 

Reduce, Reuse, RECRAFT!

"Recraft is ending the inefficient use of nature resources in industries by designing and servicing water reuse systems that generate biodiesel."

I am extremely proud of our team! We did not make it to the finals but accomplished more along the way then we could have imagined....We actually have a business model now! This is only the beginning for Recraft and we are excited to continue our venture journey. Next steps....very unknown but starting to take shape.  Oh gotta love the ambiguity of startup life! Recraft is an amazing team with a big idea.  I can't wait to see what around the corner for us.

Reduce, Reuse, Recraft!

Average is Dangerous

Is it possible too think to big? I didn't think it was. You three didn't think it was.

Why do you tell me that sir, that I think too big? What is too big?

Does it mean that you do not understand it? Does it mean that you do not believe in it? Does it mean that you are confused by it?

It hurts that you think I think too big. Isn't that what you want of this generation, to think big? If I was to think too small, I would be lazy and incompetent.  But when I think too big I am overly ambitious and crazy. What do you want of me then? To be somewhere in the middle?.....To be the average?

Well sir, I will tell you right now that average is not good enough. Average is dangerous.  Average is old fashion. Average is not fun, creative, determined, excitable, extravagant, innovative, unique, alert, diligent, or purposeful.  Average is boring.

I will not waste my time with you telling me to be boring. Leave me to my crazy thoughts and ridiculous determination, and maybe one day, one day, you will see that I am right and you are wrong.

I wish you luck sir, as you travel through life. I hope you have an average one.

Letting the Thoughts Flow

Interruptions happen. 

Let life happen. 

Funny how when you stop focusing on one idea and all of a sudden, ding, a brilliant idea forms.

Let life happen. 

Funny how I am so tired in the library, but once I lay my head on a pillow my mind takes off into a world of its own and sleep is nowhere in site.

Let life happen. 

Funny how an "inconvenience" turns into the most magnificent moment of your day, week, month. 

Let life happen.   

Where will your interruptions direct you?

Let life happen.

-Inspired by English 420 discussion....let life happen.

Beer Beer Beer Beer

http://www.sfbeerweek.org/

This week is the start of Beer Week in SanFrancisco! As my startup company, Recraft, begins our journey in the clean tech world we have decided to target craft breweries as our go to market strategy. What an industry to work with! (Don't tell my team, but my interests in clean tech definitely peaked when I knew I could drink beer while trying to green the world!)  Recraft is traveling to California for Spring Break in March and we are very disappointed that we will miss this grand week.  When we fly out to the coast we will find breweries that are unique and sustainability minded, hopefully drink a couple beers and ask the brewmasters questions about their business. So, even though we miss this beer week, I don't think we need to worry about there being a lack of beer on our trip.

This Thursday is the Clean Energy Venture Challenge and our team has encountered many late nights in the last couple weeks. Our nerves are starting to peak and our excitement is boiling. By no means will this competition determine if we will carry on with this journey or not, because we will. But, there is no doubt that a win this week would be a wonderful spring board into the world of clean tech.  And, I am sure a celebration will proceed after the competition (win or loose) that will be filled with great beer and great supportive friends!  

Cheers! 

(Expect more on beer in the near future!) 

The Best Gift You Can Give Yourself

So I believe everything happens for a reason. I kinda wish there was a cooler was of saying that because that is very overused, but anyhow, I do. That idea in itself is one of the primary reasons why I decided to go ahead and start a blog.  One of my absolutely favorite things in life is thinking back on a moment of my past and then thinking about everything that has happened from that point up to the present moment. Each year, day, and moment all seem to lead into the next in a way that can be described as nothing more then everything happens for a reason.  Right now all of those moments are just in my head, but once on paper (or in the cloud) I have solid evidence of the events and experiences that did occur and I get the satisfaction of going back and reading them.

I always think to myself, wow if I could tell my 15 year old self all the things that will happen to you until you are 22, the majority of the time I don't think the 15 year old version of myself would believe me.   I would tell 15 year old me that the cute boy in your high school Freshman psychology class who is totally "too cool" for you will end up being your high school fling. I would tell my young self that you go from a shy freshman girl to senior class president. I would tell myself that crying on the diag bench freshman year is no indicator of how wonderful the next three year of college are.  I would tell 15 year old self that you attempt two startup companies, the first unsuccessful, the second is still being determined. I would tell myself that heart breaks suck, and time is the only medicine, but better things come along afterwards- I promise they really do.  I would tell myself that you are a smart, funny, unique, determined, and one of a kind person who will make unbelievable friends, will overcome challenging situations, and will become more confident and daring then you think you are now.

I will tell my 15 year old self that when you get to 22 and look back on high school and college, you will be bewildered at how each moment lead into another opportunity, each tear drop lead into a learning experience, and how each day lead into another year of growth.  Each moment happened for a reason, and every moment here after will do the same. Life is funny, it is unfair, it is beautiful and it is unexpected, but you will look back and never regret any single moment of it and that is truly the best gift you can ever give yourself.  And now, 22 year old Pauline, re-read that last sentence again and remember that, never regret a single moment because there is always a reason why it happened.

Time to start documenting moments so I can have the joys of reading back on life and getting a good chuckle out of it :)